Tuesday March 27th

OK so, it wasn't my fault. I had an excellent Tuesday - Friday, but the weekend came and I caved. I completely messed up! Gotta start over, did OK today and yesterday. But I'm feeling the guilt. Oh well, here's to starting over.

Thursday, March 22nd

OK so I'm back. I found a lovely app on my phone "My Fitness Pal" that makes me feel good every time I enter my food choices for the day. Its say if you continue to eat this way you should weigh about XX in five weeks. That's is so encouraging to read, and a little moral booster at the end of the day. Like for example. I did good yesterday until I got home. I had to do hair, and it left me no time to figure out what I was going to eat for dinner. So my mother who was tired from her day lovingly went into the kitchen and made dinner for everyone. Mashed Potatoes, Fried chicken, and i think corn. Well I didn't want any chicken, but my mother knowing that I ONLY eat white meat chicken made sure she fried a chicken breast for me. I could see the tired in her eyes when she came out the kitchen. I don't know about you but I could not let my mother's labor of love go unnoticed or unappreciated just because of what I'm doing. So later that night I ate the chicken she made for me put about 2 tablespoons of potatoes with it and ate it. I was so afraid to see what the calorie count was going to look like that I didn't do anything last night. This morning I entered the info into the calculator and it still congratulated me. YAY me! Yep its the simple things that make you feel better.So today with renewed faith in my day it has gone pretty good. it hasn't been a week yet, but so far I am loving this app.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Mentally I started feeling a lot better Monday night which is when I looked at this app and actually opened it on my phone. I have been experiencing better days since then. Yes, its only Thursday, but a good day is a good day. Hoping to start over with renewed faith and strength from within... HELLO LIZZY'S COMING!

Joy 2 da Nae

OK so lately, I haven't just fallen off the wagon. Can you say I took my oozy out and shot it up! (Can you tell I know nothing about guns? LOL!) But I have been communicating daily with my love Nae! Daily she asks me what I'm eating and knowing that I'm supposed to do better but wasn't, I would openly tell her what I ate or was going to eat. Although she would never say anything judgmental and she would just continue the conversation, yesterday I got sick of it. That, and a wonderful trip to the head doctor, I can feel myself renewing. Thus far, there has been no nonsense on my part. The only thing I haven't done is exercise. But... I will worry about that part tomorrow.

One of my favorite all time favorite trainers Bob Harper is selling his workout DVDs for $5 (reg. $19.99) on his website. So I ordered 9 out of 10 of them. I'm not gonna lie, I am a little excited about having Bob in my home.

My other all time favorite trainer is Jillian Michaels. I have to admit, the show has not been the same with out her. I loved how she was able to point out and get the message out there, that every overweight person is not lazy. And outside of bad health issues, the road block to physical health is 9 times out of 10 mental. So many people suffer from one trauma or another, and without the proper education and empowerment they feel helpless and unworthy of what we all deserve.And there's something about knowing that she previously went through the same mental anguish that helps me in my journey.

I will admit that life has thrown me a couple of curve balls lately. But none of them excuse the fact that I lost my focus. I lost sight of my goal and I fell fast, back into my old habits. It seems like so long ago when I would check myself and ask whenever I felt hungry, "what are you hungry for"? Or sometimes with me it was the opposite, "why aren't you hungry, what are you trying to control"? Sometimes the only control you have is over what you put in your mouth. So I would not eat..... not eat...... not eat..... and then by the time I finally ate, it was the worst empty calorie food and not a small portion.
I cant have people in my life who make me feel powerless. I'm learning to accept this, and that is such a HARD pill to swallow as I love so many of them dearly. But I gotta let go on the relationships that hurt. I have so much that I have to let go of.
Like the fact that my friend is gone, and its not being disloyal to her not to be angry with her hubby's choice to move on. Although I don't have to like it, I don't have to let it eat me up inside like it has been doing. Its his life and he has to live it. I gotta let it go, hopefully no one tries to talk to me about it though. It just seems to make things worse. As no one sees it the way I do. (insert sad face here)