Thursday January 26th

OK so, we are at the day before my journey to Southern California. I have been in so many knots the past few days that my appetite all the sudden disappeared. Weird Hun... I don't think its a good thing for it to happen like this. As when I get home I'm hungry. But even then I've eaten very little. How has the scale responded to this chaos? Well this morning it said "OK, I'll stop going in the wrong direction. BUT, you know when this is all over you and I are gonna tussle right!!!!" I have to finish packing tonight, and pray myself to sleep. I have been eating breakfast over the past week and not much else after that. Weird right? Well let me tell you one thing weirder. I was starting to get a little hungry and then Mister Man called me. After talking to him I was no longer hungry. I thought about that effect only for a moment then I went on with my day. I think that's when my appetite started going away. Oh well, not gonna complain about the affect. This weekend I think its pretty safe to say that I will not be on a diet of any sort. I will enjoy myself and then once AGAIN... its on when I get home.

Monday Janurary 23rd

OK so, I'm sitting here feeling defeated. I possess no real gumption to get up do anything. I think setting dates for myself is like shooting myself in the foot. I know that I don't respond well to put downs. You know how someone (an idiot if you ask me) says that if they tell you negative things you're supposed to strive to prove them wrong? I don't work that way and never have. Actually I think only a small percentage of the world's population actually works that way. BUT "they" would like to believe that everyone fits into this category... NOT!
Sitting here right now, I'm knocking on my heaviest weight on the scale ever. I need to block everyone and everything out of my mind. I'm wondering if this blog could be toxic for me too? I don't know... But I leave Friday for my trip and as if right on schedule I'm PMS'ing like you wouldn't believe. My PMS isn't exactly bite your head off and snap at the world, although I do that sometimes. My PMS is more or less, depression, and darkness. I feel so defeated right now. Like its beyond me to make even the simplest things happen. I know that once I have a pep talk with myself, I can convince myself that its in my power to make this happen. I know that I am my BIGGEST cheerleader. And really I can only really depend on myself. This is all in my head, once I set my mind to it I can do it. So why cant I set my mind to it? Something's blocking me... I gotta figure out what that is and then delete it from my life. Oh agony! Sad times! I guess!

THURSDAY January 19th

OK so its been cold out here the past I don't know how many days. And the weather man has been threatening rain since Tuesday... I wanted to stay in, but just like before I pushed myself to go for my walk. Now sticking to my plan I have not been. I know disappointing. Still eating what I want. Its like I'll do good for a day and then BAM! Ice cream is calling me (FYI - I eat Ice Cream regardless of the temp outside. It can be freezing and I will still cozy up with a bowl of frozen delight) or some other treat I dare not eat. The other day I had a Torta!!!! It was SO GOOD! My mouth started watering thinking about it. But hey I cant get mad about my weight or the lack of it leaving my body if I'm not doing what I KNOW I need to do to get it off. I'm working on getting my mind right. Its funny how when I have to focus on disciple in another aspect, discipline in this regard goes out the window.... I'm gonna have to work on that. But at least I understand it. I know that the key to getting this all together and executing it like I need to is in my head. Because when my mind was on right, I was on my way. It was my own personal fears and hang ups that took me off track. I was succeeding and that scared me. Does anybody understand that? Maybe this is something only the truly dysfunctional understand, and that's fine. I wish I had Jillian Michaels with me to help me understand it all. She had a show at one point where she went to people's homes and worked with them for a week. She gave them a foundation. Then she came back after so long and based upon that ONE week, you should've seen the PHENOMENAL results. After only one week with her they had what they needed to hit their goals. The quality in her ability to touch and change viewpoints is amazing. I love the fact that she can relate because she was once upon a time overweight herself. Its like she can touch that part of you that no one else can. Or at least that's the way I looked at it. Any who... moving right along I'm gonna get it together. Hang in there with me. This blog is called Lizzy's Struggles for a reason.

THURSDAY January 12, 2012

It is WONDERFUL when you talk to someone and they give you just what you need to do what you need to do. I was just talking to one of my cousins and I said I needed to lose as much weight as possible in the next couple of weeks. Instead of telling me its impossible or that I'm doing something wrong she just gave me suggestions. And it wasn't until logging on here that I realized how much I needed that. How good that made me feel. I am not the kind of person who thrives off proving people wrong. Actually your belief in me and positivity is what I need to fuel my forward movement. Thank you NAE! I LOVE YOU DEARLY! So far so good today, I went on my morning walk as I have been doing lately, and it was good. I walked as fast as I could without looking a COMPLETE fool. LOL! It was COLD out there but beautiful. Now I'm chugging on water. Its amazing how someone's encouragement can change your whole outlook of your day. I have been funky lately, but that 3 minute convo just did TONS for my self esteem and motivation.

Now this morning I've been snacking on fruit as my company is providing lunch and I don't know what we're having. I'm sure it will be YUMMY! So I'd rather burn all my calorie allotment for the day there than on breakfast and dinner.

So that's how I'm rolling today, hoping the positivity last... How's your day going so far? (One day someone will answer me)

Thursday January 5, 2012

OK so I've been in a BAD mood for the past few days. OK, week or so. I gotta stop allowing life's frustrations and disappointments to throw me off my game. But any who here I am. Starting over for the ump-teenth time. Even yesterday I did good all day at work and something happened when I went home... Oh you know as I type this it dawns on me what the disconnect was at least yesterday. RUSHING, and frustration. OK, OK... I've done this before so I know it takes time and I literally have to take this moment by moment. The problem with me is that I always fantasize about tomorrow so its hard for me to live in the moment of today. I'll get it together. Nope not sounding as positive as I could, but I need a total rework from the inside out.

First meal of the day was a spiritual one. AW! Yes it was delicious! LOL! Then I had meatless Italian sausage, egg whites, Organic Strawberry yogurt (which I froze to give me a frozen delight feel in the morning... YES!) and a pink grapefruit. Yummy! Eventually I had a banana, and then I had some black berries, raspberries, with vanilla yogurt and granola. YUM! I will eat one more strawberry yogurt, and if I still get hungry I have some lentil soup in the fridge.

Tonight I will make a meatless ground beef with vegetables and tomato sauce over quinoa. Sounds weird? Well in my family there were a ton of us. And we had to learn to cook what was available. Its now in my adult life that I actually try to find dishes to make. One time my ex asked me "why don't you cook things with names"? It just wasn't the way I grew up. But I'm gonna tell you. Finding recipes and new flavors was for a moment a passion of mine. But I love to focus on dessert... can you tell? LOL! The first Red Velvet cake I ever had was the one I made from Paula Deen's recipe. Oh yes! Tons of butter, and just DELICIOUS! Any ways I digress... learning a structure to cooking has been one of my hobby's lately. But as for tonight there is no structure. Everything will be healthy in the meal and everyone will have to eat up.

I apologize for my lack of energy. I'm just going through a few things right now... Nothing new just same ole, same ole. But I would love to hear how you're surviving and pushing through. That would actually be a real boost for me. Please tell me, how are you keeping it together today? Share your progress.