Motivated

Motivation is the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviors.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivation

So today is DAY 1. I got my walk in. Made conscience effort not to go crazy this morning with breakfast. At this moment I'm GOOD! Had my iTunes blasting in my ears as I took each step. Then I pushed myself a little harder. By the end of this song I wanna be around the corner. Two laps around a city block and I'm sweating up a storm. At this moment I feel as I can do this. I feel like with each moment that passes I have conquered.... something. LOL! Not sure yet... lets just say.... Yea! Let's say I'm conquered the fat in that moment. And the sweat that keeps beading up on my skin is my fat crying as it dies a slow death. I'm not gonna talk about long term goals, and or even the short term. I'm gonna take this moment by moment. At these past few moments have me feeling like a WINNER! So much so that I just took a HUGE chug of some Apple Cider Vinegar.... YUCKS! My taste buds hate me for doing that to them. And yep they're arguing with my stomach about teaching me lesson right at this moment. OK so maybe I wont take it that far again. But oh......

The Beginning

I took a picture of my face today to mark the beginning. YES I KNOW! Starting over again. I don't know if I want to go the route of habitual calorie counting. If I focus mainly on raw fruits and vegetables I should be able to achieve my goals. Now its already after noon an I haven't done a lick of exercise today. But that's OK, I will squeeze it in, in a minute. Today is a new day, full of new possibilities and new chances. I'm starting over from ground zero. Being strict with myself never works and I know this, but I guess sometimes I forget. I wont go over board, but I will express self control. Hold on to your seats, Lizzy's at it again. Start with a fizzle and end with a bang. let's get it done, I'm gonna get it in.

Every Day I'm struggling!

So I sent a few of my family and friends the Fitness Pal app. Only my Soul Sistah Number One accepted my offering and plea for help. Sometimes I feel..... I know I shouldn't, but my imperfection leads to feel like.... naw why go there.

I cant stay in this funk... I didn't eat crazy but I didn't follow my plan today... oh well. Such is life. I got a whole bunch of cakes to make and I don't know how I'm gonna manage being on my program and making these cakes. I made Sweet Potato Casserole this weekend. As I reorganized two of my kitchen cabinets. That did make me feel better about that aspect of my living space. I gotta keep that going.
Meanwhile we went walking up and down Moeser Lane. We walked about two miles of Steep hillside. Yes, today I am sore, and its wonderful! But I wanna go back. We'll see if I will be able to manage it. Maybe I'll take the puppy for a walk this evening....

Tuesday March 27th

OK so, it wasn't my fault. I had an excellent Tuesday - Friday, but the weekend came and I caved. I completely messed up! Gotta start over, did OK today and yesterday. But I'm feeling the guilt. Oh well, here's to starting over.

Thursday, March 22nd

OK so I'm back. I found a lovely app on my phone "My Fitness Pal" that makes me feel good every time I enter my food choices for the day. Its say if you continue to eat this way you should weigh about XX in five weeks. That's is so encouraging to read, and a little moral booster at the end of the day. Like for example. I did good yesterday until I got home. I had to do hair, and it left me no time to figure out what I was going to eat for dinner. So my mother who was tired from her day lovingly went into the kitchen and made dinner for everyone. Mashed Potatoes, Fried chicken, and i think corn. Well I didn't want any chicken, but my mother knowing that I ONLY eat white meat chicken made sure she fried a chicken breast for me. I could see the tired in her eyes when she came out the kitchen. I don't know about you but I could not let my mother's labor of love go unnoticed or unappreciated just because of what I'm doing. So later that night I ate the chicken she made for me put about 2 tablespoons of potatoes with it and ate it. I was so afraid to see what the calorie count was going to look like that I didn't do anything last night. This morning I entered the info into the calculator and it still congratulated me. YAY me! Yep its the simple things that make you feel better.So today with renewed faith in my day it has gone pretty good. it hasn't been a week yet, but so far I am loving this app.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Mentally I started feeling a lot better Monday night which is when I looked at this app and actually opened it on my phone. I have been experiencing better days since then. Yes, its only Thursday, but a good day is a good day. Hoping to start over with renewed faith and strength from within... HELLO LIZZY'S COMING!

Joy 2 da Nae

OK so lately, I haven't just fallen off the wagon. Can you say I took my oozy out and shot it up! (Can you tell I know nothing about guns? LOL!) But I have been communicating daily with my love Nae! Daily she asks me what I'm eating and knowing that I'm supposed to do better but wasn't, I would openly tell her what I ate or was going to eat. Although she would never say anything judgmental and she would just continue the conversation, yesterday I got sick of it. That, and a wonderful trip to the head doctor, I can feel myself renewing. Thus far, there has been no nonsense on my part. The only thing I haven't done is exercise. But... I will worry about that part tomorrow.

One of my favorite all time favorite trainers Bob Harper is selling his workout DVDs for $5 (reg. $19.99) on his website. So I ordered 9 out of 10 of them. I'm not gonna lie, I am a little excited about having Bob in my home.

My other all time favorite trainer is Jillian Michaels. I have to admit, the show has not been the same with out her. I loved how she was able to point out and get the message out there, that every overweight person is not lazy. And outside of bad health issues, the road block to physical health is 9 times out of 10 mental. So many people suffer from one trauma or another, and without the proper education and empowerment they feel helpless and unworthy of what we all deserve.And there's something about knowing that she previously went through the same mental anguish that helps me in my journey.

I will admit that life has thrown me a couple of curve balls lately. But none of them excuse the fact that I lost my focus. I lost sight of my goal and I fell fast, back into my old habits. It seems like so long ago when I would check myself and ask whenever I felt hungry, "what are you hungry for"? Or sometimes with me it was the opposite, "why aren't you hungry, what are you trying to control"? Sometimes the only control you have is over what you put in your mouth. So I would not eat..... not eat...... not eat..... and then by the time I finally ate, it was the worst empty calorie food and not a small portion.
I cant have people in my life who make me feel powerless. I'm learning to accept this, and that is such a HARD pill to swallow as I love so many of them dearly. But I gotta let go on the relationships that hurt. I have so much that I have to let go of.
Like the fact that my friend is gone, and its not being disloyal to her not to be angry with her hubby's choice to move on. Although I don't have to like it, I don't have to let it eat me up inside like it has been doing. Its his life and he has to live it. I gotta let it go, hopefully no one tries to talk to me about it though. It just seems to make things worse. As no one sees it the way I do. (insert sad face here)

As usual

So when I thought of Motivation looking at this picture I'd say YES that's what motivation feels like. Minus the actual shark. So this morning started off pretty emotional, it pretty much picked up right where I left off last night. Talking to Betty #1, I then found myself in TEARS! I had to stop and say a quick prayer. And wouldn't you know it I started to feel better. AND THEN!!!!! My cousin Nae Instant Messages me. (BIG SMILE!) We started with our normal hellos, but by the end of our convo my heart was beating and I was feeling like YES! I CAN DO THIS! Talking to her helped me to refocus all that emotion I was feeling this morning into something positive. Despite everything else I have going on this evening, I plan to work it out in my living whether its Opening my Jillian Michaels DVD, catching an On Demand routine, or playing a game on my xBox... There are jewels in men (people) everywhere you look. Betty #1 & Nae you've both built me up this morning when I was so emotionally down it wasn't even funny. Thank you so much... I truly appreciate you.

Now back to that picture... Now I cant swim, but I bet you if that was me in that boat some how my boat would grow legs, learn how to walk on top of water and run at the speed of lightning carrying me OUT OF THERE! I love sharks, I think they're fascinating, BUT I never wanna meet one face on this side of the System of things.

Thursday February 16th

OK so, I've been STRESSED OUT! I was doing good there for a minute. Working out every three or four days (at the least). Body was shaping ( not losing) nicely LOL! But the past week so far I have not exercised at all. TEARS! The ridiculousness that has been my life over the past four days has been like WHOA! I have found myself putting everything WRONG in my mouth and then skipping meals. I'm sure my sugar levels have been all over the place. I now understand why its bad to starve yourself. I couldn't understand it while I was growing up. All I could understand was that I lost weight when I did it. Eating meant gaining, Starving meant control, and a smaller me. Oh well, now I'm just trying to get a grip if you will. I made sure I ate breakfast and lunch... now I make no guarantees about dinner. I will have to do a system check in a minute. But its not looking too good on the dinner front. If I feel a little hungry then I'll eat, but only if I feel a little hungry. Trying not to over or under eat as a way to self medicate. This is NOT easy, or fun.... I cant even really concentrate on a meal plan. But maybe since everything is so crazy right now that's exactly what I should do. Concentrate on the things I can control. Like what I put in my mouth. Yea, that's sounding good to me right. Cause I know I cant control the way people act that's for sure.

Thursday Feb 9th

Boom! Boom! BOOM! Smiles!

So I've only been doing a little, but a little is better than none right. I've been exercising a little and I'm sorry I had to smile this morning when I put on my jeans. My life long friend is returning to me. I used to HATE her when I was younger, and then she became a source of power. Then she left me, then she came back, and then she left me again. Now I can see her coming back to me. For a minute there I was trying to convince myself that her absence was a good thing. PAH-LEASE!!!! You cant go from having a big and beautiful butt to flat as a board and act like you're OK with it. I'm sorry it just doesn't work. I know my mentor is telling me to work on my core, because YES it does need a lot of work. But I want my butt back! So I will do the core exercises, but I'm gonna make sure I get my gluts in there as well. Its about to be so ON when my butt is back! LOL! I don't know if I'll know how to act! Loving her and appreciating her I WILL! I know some people hate theirs but it took me a while to appreciate certain aspects of myself. I'm constantly a work in progress, and the loss of this attribute has plagued me for some time. Now with that said, my diet hasn't been great... I gotta get that under control. If I can get my eating under control and keep up the exercising I just might see some real results.

SUNDAY February 5th

So to my surprise I came home determined to exercise. And then even further to my surprise my family was actually somewhat supportive of me monopolizing the television for 50 minutes to exercise. So my mentor gave me an idea of what would be a good exercise routine. I plan to give it a real good go... No actually this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to not talk about it so much. So as you can see, there will not be daily updates from me. When I need to rejoice or share my joy I will come here. When I feel like I'm in the depths of despair I will come here. But its working for me not to share on a day to day basis. I gotta stop talking about it and be about it.

I came back from vacation five pounds lighter. I tell you never discount running around Disneyland all day while too broke to indulge in all the delicacies is not a bad way to lose a little. LOL!

Core Workouts For Women

So it appears that I'm now getting a little mentoring help. My mentor sent me this link to try at home. These exercises look AWESOME! I will be trying this possibly tomorrow or Tuesday! Check it out.

Thursday January 26th

OK so, we are at the day before my journey to Southern California. I have been in so many knots the past few days that my appetite all the sudden disappeared. Weird Hun... I don't think its a good thing for it to happen like this. As when I get home I'm hungry. But even then I've eaten very little. How has the scale responded to this chaos? Well this morning it said "OK, I'll stop going in the wrong direction. BUT, you know when this is all over you and I are gonna tussle right!!!!" I have to finish packing tonight, and pray myself to sleep. I have been eating breakfast over the past week and not much else after that. Weird right? Well let me tell you one thing weirder. I was starting to get a little hungry and then Mister Man called me. After talking to him I was no longer hungry. I thought about that effect only for a moment then I went on with my day. I think that's when my appetite started going away. Oh well, not gonna complain about the affect. This weekend I think its pretty safe to say that I will not be on a diet of any sort. I will enjoy myself and then once AGAIN... its on when I get home.

Monday Janurary 23rd

OK so, I'm sitting here feeling defeated. I possess no real gumption to get up do anything. I think setting dates for myself is like shooting myself in the foot. I know that I don't respond well to put downs. You know how someone (an idiot if you ask me) says that if they tell you negative things you're supposed to strive to prove them wrong? I don't work that way and never have. Actually I think only a small percentage of the world's population actually works that way. BUT "they" would like to believe that everyone fits into this category... NOT!
Sitting here right now, I'm knocking on my heaviest weight on the scale ever. I need to block everyone and everything out of my mind. I'm wondering if this blog could be toxic for me too? I don't know... But I leave Friday for my trip and as if right on schedule I'm PMS'ing like you wouldn't believe. My PMS isn't exactly bite your head off and snap at the world, although I do that sometimes. My PMS is more or less, depression, and darkness. I feel so defeated right now. Like its beyond me to make even the simplest things happen. I know that once I have a pep talk with myself, I can convince myself that its in my power to make this happen. I know that I am my BIGGEST cheerleader. And really I can only really depend on myself. This is all in my head, once I set my mind to it I can do it. So why cant I set my mind to it? Something's blocking me... I gotta figure out what that is and then delete it from my life. Oh agony! Sad times! I guess!

THURSDAY January 19th

OK so its been cold out here the past I don't know how many days. And the weather man has been threatening rain since Tuesday... I wanted to stay in, but just like before I pushed myself to go for my walk. Now sticking to my plan I have not been. I know disappointing. Still eating what I want. Its like I'll do good for a day and then BAM! Ice cream is calling me (FYI - I eat Ice Cream regardless of the temp outside. It can be freezing and I will still cozy up with a bowl of frozen delight) or some other treat I dare not eat. The other day I had a Torta!!!! It was SO GOOD! My mouth started watering thinking about it. But hey I cant get mad about my weight or the lack of it leaving my body if I'm not doing what I KNOW I need to do to get it off. I'm working on getting my mind right. Its funny how when I have to focus on disciple in another aspect, discipline in this regard goes out the window.... I'm gonna have to work on that. But at least I understand it. I know that the key to getting this all together and executing it like I need to is in my head. Because when my mind was on right, I was on my way. It was my own personal fears and hang ups that took me off track. I was succeeding and that scared me. Does anybody understand that? Maybe this is something only the truly dysfunctional understand, and that's fine. I wish I had Jillian Michaels with me to help me understand it all. She had a show at one point where she went to people's homes and worked with them for a week. She gave them a foundation. Then she came back after so long and based upon that ONE week, you should've seen the PHENOMENAL results. After only one week with her they had what they needed to hit their goals. The quality in her ability to touch and change viewpoints is amazing. I love the fact that she can relate because she was once upon a time overweight herself. Its like she can touch that part of you that no one else can. Or at least that's the way I looked at it. Any who... moving right along I'm gonna get it together. Hang in there with me. This blog is called Lizzy's Struggles for a reason.

THURSDAY January 12, 2012

It is WONDERFUL when you talk to someone and they give you just what you need to do what you need to do. I was just talking to one of my cousins and I said I needed to lose as much weight as possible in the next couple of weeks. Instead of telling me its impossible or that I'm doing something wrong she just gave me suggestions. And it wasn't until logging on here that I realized how much I needed that. How good that made me feel. I am not the kind of person who thrives off proving people wrong. Actually your belief in me and positivity is what I need to fuel my forward movement. Thank you NAE! I LOVE YOU DEARLY! So far so good today, I went on my morning walk as I have been doing lately, and it was good. I walked as fast as I could without looking a COMPLETE fool. LOL! It was COLD out there but beautiful. Now I'm chugging on water. Its amazing how someone's encouragement can change your whole outlook of your day. I have been funky lately, but that 3 minute convo just did TONS for my self esteem and motivation.

Now this morning I've been snacking on fruit as my company is providing lunch and I don't know what we're having. I'm sure it will be YUMMY! So I'd rather burn all my calorie allotment for the day there than on breakfast and dinner.

So that's how I'm rolling today, hoping the positivity last... How's your day going so far? (One day someone will answer me)

Thursday January 5, 2012

OK so I've been in a BAD mood for the past few days. OK, week or so. I gotta stop allowing life's frustrations and disappointments to throw me off my game. But any who here I am. Starting over for the ump-teenth time. Even yesterday I did good all day at work and something happened when I went home... Oh you know as I type this it dawns on me what the disconnect was at least yesterday. RUSHING, and frustration. OK, OK... I've done this before so I know it takes time and I literally have to take this moment by moment. The problem with me is that I always fantasize about tomorrow so its hard for me to live in the moment of today. I'll get it together. Nope not sounding as positive as I could, but I need a total rework from the inside out.

First meal of the day was a spiritual one. AW! Yes it was delicious! LOL! Then I had meatless Italian sausage, egg whites, Organic Strawberry yogurt (which I froze to give me a frozen delight feel in the morning... YES!) and a pink grapefruit. Yummy! Eventually I had a banana, and then I had some black berries, raspberries, with vanilla yogurt and granola. YUM! I will eat one more strawberry yogurt, and if I still get hungry I have some lentil soup in the fridge.

Tonight I will make a meatless ground beef with vegetables and tomato sauce over quinoa. Sounds weird? Well in my family there were a ton of us. And we had to learn to cook what was available. Its now in my adult life that I actually try to find dishes to make. One time my ex asked me "why don't you cook things with names"? It just wasn't the way I grew up. But I'm gonna tell you. Finding recipes and new flavors was for a moment a passion of mine. But I love to focus on dessert... can you tell? LOL! The first Red Velvet cake I ever had was the one I made from Paula Deen's recipe. Oh yes! Tons of butter, and just DELICIOUS! Any ways I digress... learning a structure to cooking has been one of my hobby's lately. But as for tonight there is no structure. Everything will be healthy in the meal and everyone will have to eat up.

I apologize for my lack of energy. I'm just going through a few things right now... Nothing new just same ole, same ole. But I would love to hear how you're surviving and pushing through. That would actually be a real boost for me. Please tell me, how are you keeping it together today? Share your progress.